"Life is full of beauty. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams."

The Potomac River, photography taken my me :-)

My first semester of nursing school is almost over. I have two weeks left, this coming week is "study week" and my final health assessment lab skills checkoff is on tuesday. The 8th I start finals and finish the 10th. How exciting!! Next semester I will be taking 14 credits again, Psych, Med Surg, Skills 2, and Pharmocology.

My birthday is coming up on the 7th of December, I will be 25...pretty scary! What a way to celebrate with finals..fun...

This weekend Andrew and I went to Andrew's sisters for her youngest son's 3rd birthday. It was fun, it was nice to get out of the house and get my mind away from my life and things going on. Zeke loved his present from Andrew and I, as did Gabriel and Ethan! We also got them all little nerf guns..i'm not sure who had more fun with them Andrew or the boys..haha. :-)

My mom, Andrew and I took the dogs for a walk today on the toe path along the Potomac River. The dogs really enjoyed it, it was absolutely beautiful weather. Here are some pictures:

Andrew and my Mom

Callie loves to swim!

Thanksgiving

Today is one of the holidays I wasn't looking forward to. I went and saw a grief counsler with my mom and cousin and she said writing really helps...so what the hell...here goes nothing.

After work yesterday I decided, as I drove past the cemetary to stop by and see Aunt Carol. Deep down I know she is not there, her spirit could have been standing with me..who knows. I have been in so much denial that I don't want to believe that my Aunt is gone. She was so much more than an Aunt to me. Andrew and I drove in...got out..went over to her..fixed some of the flowers and I said I'm sorry and that I miss her terribly. All the sudden I got sick to my stomach and felt the urge to vomit so I had to leave. I think reality is setting in and the fact that knowing I will never see her, hear her loud laugh, watch her eat her pepperchinis or olives ever again really hit me. I only stayed about 3 minutes...I couldn't do it. The entire ride home I cried my eyes out and immediatly went to my bed to go to sleep. This was about 530pm, Andrew fell asleep fast and slept almost till 630am when he had to wake up for work. I couldn't sleep, had too much on my mind. I'm the type of person where I'm not good at talking about my feelings I would rather write them down, if I talk I start to cry. I cried a lot of last night and into this morning. I laid in bed today until around 130pm...I don't want to be awake I'd rather just stay in bed and sleep the day away, Its gloomy and rainy outside..not very nice. I'm sad because my birthday is coming up in 2 weeks I think..i dont know..and every year aunt carol would call me and sing the entire happy birthday song to me..I surely will miss that....I did manage to watch part of the macys day parade which I enjoyed.

I think Andrew doesn't know what to do with me, as I have no idea. He wants me to be able to talk to him but i just can't talk...it hurts too bad. I would occasionally wake him up to ask him silly questions, like do you think Aunt Carol is scared or alone or stuff like that. Andrew would continuely correct my thinking and tell me the things I tell my mom. I just don't understand how such a wonderful amazing person could be taken so early in her life.

Even though it is thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for..mostly the opportunity to have such a great relationship with my aunt, she was there for me any time I needed her and Lisa (my cousin) will now have to fill that void. I'm thankful to have Andrew, I don't know how I would survive without him, he's been there for me through so much. I'm thankful to be in nursing school and doing well (Aunt Carol was soooo proud of me), I'm thankful to be alive and have my family and friends.

Andrew and I are going to andrews parents house for thanksgiving..I guess I better go take a shower. Aunt Carol I miss you and will never ever ever forget you and all you mean to me. I love you so much!

oh and p.s: to add to my lovely day...my parents just left for their thanksgiving without saying anything to me..thanks...

Alan Jackson, Sissy's Song Lyrics

In Loving Memory of my Aunt, Carol Westbrook

May 17, 1957- November 4, 2009

Alan Jackson- Sissy's Song



"Why did she have to go
So young I just don't know why
Things happen half the time
Without reason without rhyme
Lovely, sweet young woman
Daughter, wife and mother
Makes no sense to me
I just have to believe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

Loved ones she left behind
Just trying to survive
And understand the why
Feeling so lost inside
Anger shot straight at God
Then asking for His love
Empty with disbelief
Just hoping that maybe

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with Jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me

It's hard to say goodbye
Her picture in my mind
Will always be of times I'll cherish
And I won't cry 'cause

She flew up to Heaven on the wings of angels
By the clouds and stars and passed where no one sees
And she walks with jesus and her loved ones waiting
And I know she's smiling saying
Don't worry 'bout me
Don't worry 'bout me
Don`t worry 'bout me"


Rest in Peace my favorite Angel, Aunt Carol. I love you and will forever miss you.